Proverbs 3:5 (NIV) Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
The last few weeks have been a bit of a struggle with me. Maybe you are right here with me. If so, lean into God.
I could list the ways I'm struggling:
My mom had to move into assisted living and is struggling with this change in her current season of life.
I miss my kids because they live far from me, and I can't just pop over to disrupt their lives.
The dissertation I am supposed to be working on simultaneously excites, repulses, and haunts me.
...and personalities I have to pray to love daily.
These are just a few.
I want to be sanctified. I don't really know what that means yet, but I know sanctification means this: Surrender to Christ.
Sometimes, understanding Christian terminology is a little confusing. If I'm surrendered...fully...why do I struggle?
I don't know, but there's hope. I get caught up in some things; like how does the trinity work? What is the difference between God, Jesus, and the holy ghost? Aren't they all the same thing? Yes. No. Huh?
Well, I'm not a theologian, but this is how Pastor explained it (if I didn't mess it up already):
The holy ghost or spirit is in me. That is who is telling me what is right and wrong, I think.
Jesus is God made man, God's son whom Mary bore. He died to save us from sin.
God is the creator. God is the great I am.
Clear as mud? I think so too. Pastor will tell me if I get this wrong, and you'll get to hear about it later. The Go Fish guys put it this way: "1+1+1=1" (Check out their song "My God is So Big.") That didn't really help me either, but I keep trying to learn about my creator, my redeemer. And, I want to be faithful...even if I am a little confused about how it all comes together.
All I know is this: I need to lean into God. When I feel anxious about my mom's new situation, lean into God and give Him my concerns. When I miss my kids, I need to lean into God for comfort. When I am feeling unmotivated to work on my dissertation, I need to lean into God for discipline. When I'm not feeling love for my neighbor, I need God to whisper correction to me in His small voice...or booming thunder (which scares me a little but is also easier to hear).
Let's not forget about gratitude. When I lean into God, I feel all of the loves.
Thank you, God, for all of the people helping my mom in her transition.
Thank you, God, for giving me patience.
Forgive me, God, for getting snappy when my mom got confused. That lacked grace, and I know better.
Thank you, God, for giving me a dad that has patience close to yours, and thank you that he talks to me about you.
Thank you, God, for watching over my kids. They are one of the greatest gifts you've given me.
Thank you, God, for the opportunities provided by my education.
Thank you, God, for the reminders to love my neighbors because you made them, and you love them too.
While I struggle with what it means to be sanctified, I know that I am saved from sin through God's sacrifice. I just keep showing love the best way I know how, and I know I'm not going to be made perfect until I die or Christ returns. What a day that will be! Until then, I'm going to just keep in on leaning into God for my requests, for my comfort, for peace, and for thanksgiving. I look to God for guidance, and I know that I am greatly blessed.
Proverbs 3:6 (NIV) in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.
Wherever you are at in your faith walk, know this: Jesus loves you. God loves you. The holy spirit is in you and never leaves. (Whew!) What a relief! Embrace God's grace. He is waiting for you to lean into Him, too.
Praying blessings on your faith walk, that you, dear reader, are getting rooted somewhere other Christians are also lifting you up.
Best,
Michelle
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